My Family Picture

Grayscale Love

Feb 2, 2010

"Sometimes I wished I was a boy..."

I keep thinking I need to be patient but they said "Move faster". How should I move? I mean, being a girl and the fact that we were never close from the start. It also saddened me. I have a little tinge in my heart that I was once again reaching for something out of my league. I knew it from the very start, they were just false hopes. I've never been so pessimistic but the matter is different. If I stay optimistic in this situation, I would either be grateful or more hurt. I'm just scared because I'm a very emotional person and it would affect me greatly.

This feeling has changed me so much, inspiring me and allowing me to do things I've never done before. But I believe it's all going to change...again.

The moment, the time, the second I felt something so sure; the thought that finally I was given a chance now seemed like a star, slowly its light being extinguished by the hint of doubt and a tint of rejection. Sometimes I would think that I was never meant to feel in such a way, that I will always be cupid for others but never for myself.

I hate myself so much for falling courageously even though it was evident that the walls between us were too thick. I hate myself for letting the same things happen to me all the time. I hate myself for the very reason that in the 19 years of my life, the feeling of brokenheartedness will never cease which is why until now I have my feet stuck on the ground and I will never feel what it's like to soar.

Gripping The Phone

Jan 30, 2010

 

 

My classmates and I exchanged messages in Facebook. I read a status of my classmate. She seemed to be troubled. I commented telling her that, "Prayers can move mountains".

I remembered she was with the others the night they went out. So I asked if I had to know anything. She said she had something to say about me. I told her it can wait and that I needed to concentrate since exams are just next week.

Tomorrow came and I just couldn't wait any longer. I asked her what the news was about. This was what she said:

"Sabi niya alam na raw niya na gusto mo siya. Ok lang naman daw maging close kayo".

I couldn't stop smiling. She encouraged me to text him so I did what she said. I was afraid that he wouldn't reply. But I was wrong. Minutes later, I received a message from him. I was so happy I was starting to look childish but I couldn't help it. So we texted each other for a while.

I was so inspired and happy that day I was able to bring NCM and COPAR down! I wish this inspiration will keep me motivated and hope that it lasts :)

It's a good impulse for the coming board exams :P 

 

Circle Fun

Jan 30, 2010

 

 

So nagjogging ulit ako sa Circle. Ang yabang ko, feeling ko alam na alam ko na yung Philcoa. Wala akong dalang gamit. Puro barya at towel lang at nakakainis kasi di ko dinala phone ko at di ko nasuot relo ko.

 

In fairness, improving ako. Mas nakakatagal na akong magjog at nakatatlo o apat na ikot ako pero syempre jog-lakad ginagawa ko. Nakita ko rin ulit si Megan at ang owner niya. Gwapong aso talaga ng SIberian Husky.

Then bumili ako ng juice tapos jog ng konti then umupo ako sa bench. Badtrip di ko dala phone ko so soundtrip lang nagawa ko. Then may dumating na pogi na nakashades at umupo sa may tapat. Kumakain siya then humarap sakin at dahil nakashades siya malay ko ba kung nakatingin. Umalis na ako kasi gusto ko sanang masolo yung lugar eh nakakaweird kasi yung kuya so nagjog na ulit ako. May naalala akong place na masarap apak-apakan kaya tumigil ako dun. Aba pagtalikod ko andun din si kuya nakasunod pala sakin haha. Nakakatawa talaga.

 

Gusto ko sanang magsama kaso I like to go at my own pace at dahil wala akong definite time. Then pumunta na ako ng TechnoHub at kumain dahil hinihintay ko magopen yung TimeZone. Malas nga lang kasi 12PM pa sila nagbubukas at pagtingin ko sa clock 10AM pa lang so I decided to go home at naligo then natulog na lang.

Hopeless Opportunity

Jan 29, 2010

May get together ulit kami ng mga brothers and sisters ko (my classmates) this evening. I'm looking forward to it kasi makakasama ko sila and syempre he'll also be there. Nagjogging ako nung umaga then I slept when I got home. Nobody was texting me so hindi muna ako nagpaalam kay Mama kasi hindi ko pa alam kung saan.

Unfortunately when I woke up my Mom was talking to my Dad and she definitely was in a bad mood. So nag-isip ako ng ways para makachempo ako kaso the plan failed. Kami pala ni Kuya ang topic nila haha. So nagtext ako kay Pamei na hindi ako makakasama. Pero I think it was a good thing wala ako. Nag-aral na lang ako ng NCM at nagblog :) Oh diba, time well spent.

Sabi ni H may balita raw ako kaso saglit lang ako pwedeng gumamit ng laptop kaya sabi ko ipagpaliban na lang sa ibang araw haha. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali at saka need ko rin magconcentrate kaya ayaw ko munang alamin.

Sign Or Just A Feeling?

 Jan 24, 2010

"Before I realized how I truly felt..."

...I had this other feeling. A liking for a guy. I really wanted to meet him again so my friends set up another get together. But then 2 days before that, I didn't want to go. Somehow for the first time in my life, I felt contented. I was able to decide without ever having to regret it. I still went of course since I have already said yes. But only as friends.

I knew what my heart was actually telling me and somehow I found something worth challenging. This time it was my turn. What I've wanted without looking for it just came to me.

I never even got to thank God. But I'll be doing it later before I sleep.

At the start of my new year, I have found a worthy opponent. This time I'll be the one working hard. 

Around In Circle

Jan 28, 2010

So ewan ko kung ano pumasok sa isip ko at naisipan kong magjogging mag-isa sa Circle haha. Pero ang sarap ng feeling. Malamig, ang ganda ng view tapos ang dami kong nakikita at dahil it was my first time to jog. Oh diba and ewan ko pero for once in my life I found a place where I would love to come back to always :)

Grabi napansin ko ang weak ko pala. Daig pa ako ng matatanda sa jogging! Saglit lang ako tumatakbo pagod na ako! After a lot of jogging and walking I decided to have some ice cream to cool myself. Then I bought those tiny oranges on the way and I decided to stop at one place. I've never done it before so I decided to do it. I turned on my player and danced. Good news, I forgot the dance steps I created before and another good news, I created only 4 steps and I wasn't able to finish the song.

In the afternoon, I went to the City Hall and met with Rose. We lined up for the cedula and we went to PRC to buy reviewers and lastly to TechnoHub and I was really happy because they set up new games.

I definitely will go back tomorrow!