Grayscale Love

Feb 2, 2010

"Sometimes I wished I was a boy..."

I keep thinking I need to be patient but they said "Move faster". How should I move? I mean, being a girl and the fact that we were never close from the start. It also saddened me. I have a little tinge in my heart that I was once again reaching for something out of my league. I knew it from the very start, they were just false hopes. I've never been so pessimistic but the matter is different. If I stay optimistic in this situation, I would either be grateful or more hurt. I'm just scared because I'm a very emotional person and it would affect me greatly.

This feeling has changed me so much, inspiring me and allowing me to do things I've never done before. But I believe it's all going to change...again.

The moment, the time, the second I felt something so sure; the thought that finally I was given a chance now seemed like a star, slowly its light being extinguished by the hint of doubt and a tint of rejection. Sometimes I would think that I was never meant to feel in such a way, that I will always be cupid for others but never for myself.

I hate myself so much for falling courageously even though it was evident that the walls between us were too thick. I hate myself for letting the same things happen to me all the time. I hate myself for the very reason that in the 19 years of my life, the feeling of brokenheartedness will never cease which is why until now I have my feet stuck on the ground and I will never feel what it's like to soar.

Gripping The Phone

Jan 30, 2010

 

 

My classmates and I exchanged messages in Facebook. I read a status of my classmate. She seemed to be troubled. I commented telling her that, "Prayers can move mountains".

I remembered she was with the others the night they went out. So I asked if I had to know anything. She said she had something to say about me. I told her it can wait and that I needed to concentrate since exams are just next week.

Tomorrow came and I just couldn't wait any longer. I asked her what the news was about. This was what she said:

"Sabi niya alam na raw niya na gusto mo siya. Ok lang naman daw maging close kayo".

I couldn't stop smiling. She encouraged me to text him so I did what she said. I was afraid that he wouldn't reply. But I was wrong. Minutes later, I received a message from him. I was so happy I was starting to look childish but I couldn't help it. So we texted each other for a while.

I was so inspired and happy that day I was able to bring NCM and COPAR down! I wish this inspiration will keep me motivated and hope that it lasts :)

It's a good impulse for the coming board exams :P 

 

Circle Fun

Jan 30, 2010

 

 

So nagjogging ulit ako sa Circle. Ang yabang ko, feeling ko alam na alam ko na yung Philcoa. Wala akong dalang gamit. Puro barya at towel lang at nakakainis kasi di ko dinala phone ko at di ko nasuot relo ko.

 

In fairness, improving ako. Mas nakakatagal na akong magjog at nakatatlo o apat na ikot ako pero syempre jog-lakad ginagawa ko. Nakita ko rin ulit si Megan at ang owner niya. Gwapong aso talaga ng SIberian Husky.

Then bumili ako ng juice tapos jog ng konti then umupo ako sa bench. Badtrip di ko dala phone ko so soundtrip lang nagawa ko. Then may dumating na pogi na nakashades at umupo sa may tapat. Kumakain siya then humarap sakin at dahil nakashades siya malay ko ba kung nakatingin. Umalis na ako kasi gusto ko sanang masolo yung lugar eh nakakaweird kasi yung kuya so nagjog na ulit ako. May naalala akong place na masarap apak-apakan kaya tumigil ako dun. Aba pagtalikod ko andun din si kuya nakasunod pala sakin haha. Nakakatawa talaga.

 

Gusto ko sanang magsama kaso I like to go at my own pace at dahil wala akong definite time. Then pumunta na ako ng TechnoHub at kumain dahil hinihintay ko magopen yung TimeZone. Malas nga lang kasi 12PM pa sila nagbubukas at pagtingin ko sa clock 10AM pa lang so I decided to go home at naligo then natulog na lang.

Hopeless Opportunity

Jan 29, 2010

May get together ulit kami ng mga brothers and sisters ko (my classmates) this evening. I'm looking forward to it kasi makakasama ko sila and syempre he'll also be there. Nagjogging ako nung umaga then I slept when I got home. Nobody was texting me so hindi muna ako nagpaalam kay Mama kasi hindi ko pa alam kung saan.

Unfortunately when I woke up my Mom was talking to my Dad and she definitely was in a bad mood. So nag-isip ako ng ways para makachempo ako kaso the plan failed. Kami pala ni Kuya ang topic nila haha. So nagtext ako kay Pamei na hindi ako makakasama. Pero I think it was a good thing wala ako. Nag-aral na lang ako ng NCM at nagblog :) Oh diba, time well spent.

Sabi ni H may balita raw ako kaso saglit lang ako pwedeng gumamit ng laptop kaya sabi ko ipagpaliban na lang sa ibang araw haha. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali at saka need ko rin magconcentrate kaya ayaw ko munang alamin.

Sign Or Just A Feeling?

 Jan 24, 2010

"Before I realized how I truly felt..."

...I had this other feeling. A liking for a guy. I really wanted to meet him again so my friends set up another get together. But then 2 days before that, I didn't want to go. Somehow for the first time in my life, I felt contented. I was able to decide without ever having to regret it. I still went of course since I have already said yes. But only as friends.

I knew what my heart was actually telling me and somehow I found something worth challenging. This time it was my turn. What I've wanted without looking for it just came to me.

I never even got to thank God. But I'll be doing it later before I sleep.

At the start of my new year, I have found a worthy opponent. This time I'll be the one working hard. 

Around In Circle

Jan 28, 2010

So ewan ko kung ano pumasok sa isip ko at naisipan kong magjogging mag-isa sa Circle haha. Pero ang sarap ng feeling. Malamig, ang ganda ng view tapos ang dami kong nakikita at dahil it was my first time to jog. Oh diba and ewan ko pero for once in my life I found a place where I would love to come back to always :)

Grabi napansin ko ang weak ko pala. Daig pa ako ng matatanda sa jogging! Saglit lang ako tumatakbo pagod na ako! After a lot of jogging and walking I decided to have some ice cream to cool myself. Then I bought those tiny oranges on the way and I decided to stop at one place. I've never done it before so I decided to do it. I turned on my player and danced. Good news, I forgot the dance steps I created before and another good news, I created only 4 steps and I wasn't able to finish the song.

In the afternoon, I went to the City Hall and met with Rose. We lined up for the cedula and we went to PRC to buy reviewers and lastly to TechnoHub and I was really happy because they set up new games.

I definitely will go back tomorrow!

The Ice Cream Story

"Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time."

Since bihira lang ako sumama sa lakad ng H naisipan kong kaladkarin si Rose at maki ice cream na rin sa mga kaklase namin.

Naglakad kami at dun na rin nila nalaman ang secret ko. Syempre habang naglalakad kami may song sina Pamei for me. "So Close Yet So Far Away" Whaaat??? And narelieve ako kasi hindi siya kasama kaso I had to swallow my thoughts kasi andun pala siya sa likod at kumakanta pa sila ng kantang yun!

So syempre happy ako though mukang ewan ang liit na bagay natutuwa ako. Kaso sumabay lang pala siya papuntang Ice Cream Store pero buti na lang din at least nakapagbukingan kami after.

Kung ano man napagusapan namin samen na lang yun hahaha.

Then ang saya-saya dahil nakaclose ko mga taong hindi ko nakakausap hahaha. Family na talaga kami

 

I LOVE SECTION H!

CHILDISH!!!

Jan 27, 2010

  So yes it's Wednesday and I was actually ready to concentrate and take down notes. Then here comes the reviewer and there goes the title on the screen. Fluids and electrolytes. Yuck I hate it. I never did good in that particular topic. I was really trying hard to concentrate and even though he told us he'd give us handouts I still took down notes. 

 

Oh right our section got separated so it was such a total relief! Though I had to admit hindi ko nagustuhan because we were being evaluated and I didn't like what the others were doing during the discussion. Biruin mo ba naman nagdidiscuss si Sir tapos naka IPOD?! Respect please.

And hindi dun nagtapos araw ko. Magkahiwalay kami ng room and it's a good thing because I was too embarrassed and I get all itchy around him. Since two of my friends were there I visited them while staying out of his sight. Pero syempre ang lakas mangasar ng mga kaklase ko. Then ayun nung 3rd break namin hindi ako makalabas because he was standing there at gusto kong puntahan sina Hannah kaso nga andun siya sa may pinto at si John kinuha phone ko binigay sa kanya so syempre nagalala ako kasi feeling ko naiirita na siya at nakakaturn off na ata sa kanya yung nangyayari. Buti na lang binalik ni Yum phone ko!

Pagkauwi ko nainis ako sa sarili ko. Narealize ko muka talaga akong tanga at childish! 

The Hint Leaks (My Point Of View)

Jan 25, 2010

 

"I thank God kasi somehow nafeel ko nag-iba na talaga ako"

I can say that I have truly matured. Actually hindi ko nga alam eh. I was thinking if I ever saw a sign? Pero pano ko malalaman na yun na nga yung sign na hiningi ko kay LORD?

I knew I had a crush on him. Usually I would act childish. Yung tipong hindi makaconcentrate tapos gabi-gabi siya iniisip ko. I was like that when I was in high school. Pero ngayon hindi. I did my responsibilities without being distracted. He didn't pop in my head all the time. Minsan lang. I had the concentration and most of all I was inspired. I used him as a tool to perform better in school and somehow I was doing things na laging hindi natutuloy kasi uber tamad ako.

Sa Juris, sinulat ko lahat ng dapat aralin. Pinaghusayan ko talaga at naghanda na ako ng mga examples. Talagang nagtagal ako sa pagreview though hindi ko natapos yung CH 11 kasi ayaw kong mapuyat. Sobrang confident talaga ako.

But it just had to turn out bad. We had to skip CH 11 and move on to CH 12! The heck was that! Hindi ko inaral yun kasi nga hanggang CH 11 lang daw. Oh diba so I panicked at nagsimula akong magbasa. Pero sakto I saw words read in a foreign language! Yun pa yung wala sa glossary ko kasi nga pirated lang book ko and sakto dun ako tinawag at kahit anong basa ko sa libro hindi ko siya magets! Speechless ako at ayun major pahiya ako and it happened twice and he had to be there sitting behind me!

The Hint Leaks

Jan 25, 2010

 

 

"Okay so ready na akong makinig sa mga subjects ko dahil super MOTIVATED talaga ako".

Actually alam na ng mga kaduty ko ang lihim kong well basta secret from Christmas party pa. Syempre asar to the max ako sa kanila. Grabi major victim ako. Then nung malapit na ang 2nd subject, sabi sakin ni Jerry "Sasabihin ko na mamaya". Ako naman si 'engerz' sabi ko "Talaga?! GO!" yun pala iba pinag-uusapan niya.

So ayan dumating na ang 2nd subject at parang wala  lang. Ordinary day as usual. Then syempre since masipag ako todo kinig ako kay Sir. Then hindi ko na matiis kailangan ko nang jumingle so lumabas ako. Then pagbalik ko parang may kakaiba. Feel ko may nangyari nung wala ako. So nakinig ulit ako nang bigla niya ako tinawag. Tumingin ako syempre at nagtaka ako. Tawag daw ako ni Jerry eh katabi niya lang si Jerry heler. So nagets ko na. Naalala niyang sabihin! Sheeet! At ang sabi pa ni ganito, "Text text naman tayo mamaya, share your toots". Di ko mapigilan tawa ko hahaha!

Jan 26, 2010

Eto yun eh. Ang aga-aga. Nakaupo siya sa harap ko then tumingin siya sa likod tapos tumingin siya sakin. Tinawag niya ako para lang maghello. Oha musta naman lakas mangasar haha. Tapos bago magJuris kilig naman ako. Nakiinom siya sa tumbler ko ahohoho. Syempre oo agad ako haha. Tapos syempre nakiinom din si Sam (always) at si Jerry (lumulusot pag wala ako) so syempreeee nawala rin mark niya hahahaha!

Kaya pala pag pinupuno ko yun nagugulat na lang ako nababawasan yung tubig haha!

 

Operational Conference Pt 2

JAN 23, 2010

"Natapos na namin ang shooting sa Circle at ngayon we're back in the OR".

Since wala nanamang patients, Jerry and I turned on our laptops and started doing our project kaso habang ginagawa namin unti-unti na akong tinatamad dahil nag-open up si Jerry bigla! *clap clap* So syempre nalaman ko na lahat and nagbigay rin kami ng advice and everything. :) Swerte din namin dahil....Tenenenentenen!!! Binigyan kami ni Mam ng 4 cases! Thank you MAM N! Kumpleto na kami! *clap clap*

Pero hindi pa pala tapos yung bonding namin. Tumambay pa kami sa Mcdo dahil... nanlibre si Jerry! *clap clap* At nagkwentuhan kami. Biro mo pinauwi kami ng mga 7 pagtingin namin 9 na pala! Maaga palang uuwi eh hahaha!

Syempre di ko na sasabihin ang pinagkwentuhan namin. basta ako sabi ko I realized something at napatunayan kong totoo pala yung nararamdaman ko nung time na yun.

It's CONFIDENTIAL :P

Operational Conference Pt 1

JAN 21, 2010

 

 

"I admit nagseselos ako at nagtatampo at some of my friends pero I realized mali pala iniisip ko."

At first naiinis ako kasi may duty kami just for completion tapos there were only 3 of us. I was also stressed because I was having trouble with our COPAR project. I was expecting that we wouldn't have enough time and hindi ko alam gagawin ko. Yung first day ng duty namin yun ang malunkot kasi puro 3rd year tapos 3 lang kami and Jerry had to leave for a while kasi may appointment daw siya sa doctor (only to find out na nagdriving lessons pala siya!). So kami ni Alyssa yung naiwan. Nung time na yun nagtatampo ako kay Jerry kasi nafeel ko hindi kami ganun kaclose. Nag-open siya kina Hannah and Vince tapos sakin ayaw niyang sabihin. So iniinterrogate ko siya but he doesn't want to answer pero nung si Alyssa na yung nagtatanong aba sinasagot niya kaya nanahimik na lang ako. Ang lungkot ko talaga nung day na yun kasi feeling ko malas week ko yun.

Pero biglang lumiwanag lahat. Sabi ni Mam wag na raw kami pumasok ng 2nd day para hindi kami mahirapan sa project namin. 1st light sa araw ko yun. Then bumalik si Jerry at pinauwi na kami ni Mam. Yun ang 3rd light. Yung 2nd light pala yung nag-pictorial kami ni Aly sa OR at ang ganda-ganda!

 

Then yung 4th light nag-open up kaming 3 pero tungkol sakin at ang bagong chikka ko lang. Yung the best talaga, ang 5th light! We were able to ride Jerry's car! Yahoo!!!